Paul Ryan, Eric Cantor

Eric Cantor admitted sheepishly today what Washington insiders have long known — he and Paul Ryan exchange their used underwear each week before washing. “It’s no big deal,” Ryan commented. “We just like to smell each other’s used underwear.”

Cantor says that sniffing “a real man’s underwear” each week gives him the inspiration to stick to his plan of destroying the American economy if the majority of Americans refuse to accept the policies of the Republican minority without modification.